|Dad:||Here's you. *tosses the pink piece*|
|Me:||What if I don't want to be a girl? *grabs the blue one*|
|Dad:||*swats it out of my hand* TOUGH SHIT. YOU WERE BORN WITHOUT A PENIS.|
|Me:||T^T I DON'T WANNA PLAY YOUR BI-GENDER GAMES!!!!!!|
|Dad:||It's the GAME OF LIFE.|
|Me:||AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE IF I WANT THE BLUE PIECE OR THE PINK PIECE. XP|
|Dad:||*laughs and rolls eyes* pick your damn piece. Let's play.|
|...this was so much funnier in person than it is in text. omg. =A= My Dad isn't a major gender terrorist. he was just picking on me because of the gender studies project I did and making fun of how people treated me...|
It’s a project for christ’s sake. I’m glad that I’m so emotionally frustrated by it, but at the same time I’m furious that I’m having such a strong reaction. I feel so much for the LGBT community right now when these individuals are dealing with coming out. I don’t think I’d be a strong enough person to handle it, honestly. But, then again, I don’t know if I could stand living a lie either by trying to suppress myself and fit in with society.
The main thing I guess I’ve learned is that it’s not easy. And the amount of out-ward smiles, genuine laughs, and snickers here and there don’t account for the frustration inside and longing to just. Be. Accepted.
Because that’s all anyone wants, isn’t it? To just be accepted and loved for who you truly are.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Really, you are. But stop telling me how I should dress or wear my hair. This is MY body. Not yours. I don’t CARE that it’s not a feminine cut. Why do I HAVE to have a fucking feminine cut??
I think I look good. :| (ok a bit like a creeper in this shot.. but w/e)
Can’t people be happy with me for feeling comfortable with how I’m presenting myself? Why does it have to matter!? Gah. I stopped the experiment at school because I was tired of people telling me what I should do. Now, a few days later, I’m finding out from my boyfriend that people are STILL going on about it! “Well tell her if she does get it cut, she should try a pixie cut instead of the wig’s cut she had.”
Thanks for the input. Pixie cuts look retarded on me cuz my face is so round. I’m not doing a pixie cut, and I never will. Glad to know that people unanimously hated my hair this week. Really boosts my self-confidence when it comes to changing my look a little. Especially considering how everyone “liked” it until they found out it was a wig. Then all I’ve heard is “you should do _____ instead.” How many other times have I done something that people just lie to my face about liking so they don’t hurt my feelings?
I’m just. Ugh. I’m tempted to shave it all off. THEN what will people say? huh? No. I won’t. I like my hair. I do. I don’t want to be bald… I’m just so tired of it’s typical straight, flat look. >,< It’s too thick for me to put up comfortably.
Why can’t we just be happy for someone when they’re happy?
April 22, 2012 Road Bump no. 1- and.. the root of everything really. I think I’ve already found what I wanted from my project.
Lorenzo went to a pizza party thing last night. Some of the dancers were there. They asked him why I cut my hair, why I died it black?
He, being honest, said it was a wig.
buing buing, because I’ve always wanted to try some aegyo.
Yeaaaahhhhh I ramble. And don’t pass very well. I have the next couple days to really work on it… It’s not so bad in person when I’m in public, but I was much more relaxed and Kegan-ish in the recording.
Forgot to mention the mothers at the movie theaters who kept staring at me. They had a baffled look on their face, and it was clear they were trying to figure out what I am.
Walking into the movie, I thought we were alone and I asked Dad if my hips were swaying too much. He checks “nope. you look fine.” We opened the door, and there was this little girl that had been following us. She saw my face and we stared at each other for a few beats, and she had the same confused face. It was great. lol
I think I was called a Homo today.
Let me start from the beginning.
Dad says I look like my brother.
Whatever. I’m hotter.
What’s your man name? Is it Keegan? Trololo
Boy. I’ma punch you
…not a punch but whatever
I dunno. I like Cain. But Kegan is uni-sex so it doesn’t really matter.
I was just called over to Enzo’s house because he was suddenly uncomfortable.
Apparently his cousin was concerned about my facebook posts. I have not once specifically said that I wanted to be male.. I’ve just… eluded to the possibility.
For my followers so you know what’s going on: I am doing a project for my Gender Studies class where in I try to pass as a male for a week. This week will start either April 23 or April 30th depending on when my binder comes in. Until then, like the transgender people with whom I’ve been conversing, I am slowly easing everyone I know irl into the possibility with little things here and there. Today, my dad and I went to get clothes. EVERYTHING that I’m doing and the reactions from people I’m garnering, I’m recording for my project. As an actress, I think it’s a viable approach to my Gender Studies class. My transgender friends also think it’s a cool idea. When I first got the idea, my boyfriend, Lorenzo, was the first person I approached- because if he wasn’t ok with it, I was not going to do it.
After his talk with his cousin, he started feeling very uncomfortable with the idea. He had to try and explain to his relatives what I was doing, and, honestly wasn’t even that sure himself. The entire family responded “very neutral, but interested in what I’m doing.” He can’t entirely explain anything… He just… suddenly had an uneasiness in his stomach after being confronted by his family. Then told me to go record it. So. here I am… wearing a pair of his pants he just gave me ;D … typing this vague reaction. Easter dinner tomorrow with his family shall be… interesting. xD
Oh wait that was legit? Neat!
My facebook status? Lol. Yeah. I’m just glad my Dad’s so cool with it. And Lorenzo doesn’t mind cuz I still have a vagina. Guess… technically it makes me gay.. huh? Lol It’ll take some time, but I’m excited. My binder (an actual one, not this damn ace bandage) should be in in a few weeks. :)
Alien and I followed guys around the mall today to watch them walk.
- Lead with either pelvis or sternum
- utilize your knees
- heal to toe
- two lines (a line for each foot)
- always walk with a purpose
- hands should be either clenched, holding something, or in your pockets.
Dad helped me buy men’s clothing. I was lost. Then wondered if my mild discomfort in the men’s section looking for pants as a cis female would be similar to looking for clothes of my assigned gender as a transgendered individual.
Went to Ross and found a nice pair of cheap pants. Went to dressing room no problem, but standing in line with my pair of men’s jeans garnered some attention. The lady in front of me turned back and smiled, then saw the men’s jeans in my arms and scoffed, looking away quickly. She was probably in her 40s, bleached blonde, and was slathered in make-up. Didn’t look at what she was wearing, but her reaction really startled me. THEN as I was checking out, the clerk, also a women in her late middle-ages, rings me up, throws the jeans in a bag, shakes her head “no” slightly and mumbles just barely audible “but you’re so pretty.”
Wow. And I was just shopping for jeans. That’s it. I get that kind of reaction just shopping for jeans??? e_e
I wore my black zip off pants, and my “My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems” shirt.
When I got home, I changed into my new pants, bound my breasts, and changed into a boy’s shirt immediately. Dad’s reaction when I emerged from my room?
A small smile with a tiny nod, followed by, “Yup. Wow. You look like a teenage boy.”